What am I??I don't know what i am anymoreI tell people i'm Bisexual,Yet i can pick a Beautiful Girl out of a crowdbut not a Hot Guy..I am confusing myself..and i don't know whetheri like you because your thereor because your my dream guyShe on the other had isbeautifulintelligent in her own wayi know we could workbut i don't think she feels the same for meall i know is thatI Love Her With all My Heartand that is never going to changebut i'm just confusing myselfi'm i a bisexualor am i lesbian ??I don't know anymore
IntrestingI see that you need your spaceI know that I'm only your best mateI realize that i will never be moreBut sometimes I think and I find things interestingLike...Why do you say that you have always loved her when you say that to all your girlfriendsWhy did when you had a girlfriend you would text me and not herWhy am I the one you turn to when you need help and not another personI guess I am just thinking way to much but they are all good questionsAnother good question is...Why do you wrap your arms around me when were walkingWhy do you hold my hand like i am your one and onlyWhy am I the one that you stay up late and have conversations with about random stuffYet you have no what so ever feelings for me and you are always saying sorry for thatI'm so confused with all this informationcan someone just explain to me what the hell it meansand why it is so interesting to my mind.
Heaven and HellHeaven is when you run your hands across my backIt's when you say things that mean the world to meor when you give me your big warm hugsand i feel like I'm walking on cloud nineand when you sing and you sound terriblebut you do it to make me smileHell is when you say "I think I Love her"Can't you see what is right in front of youand that I'm the one who love's you more than anythingwhy can't you see,I Love You
These DaysThese days are the ones that you sayscrew this I'm over it,the days that you realize thatno one in the world will ever love youthen you have the days where you feellike you are on top on the worldand that you can fly like supermanbut now the days of screw thiscome more oftenand the days ofI'm Ugly and Fat,and I'm never gonna have thator wear that, or look as good as thatso unfortunately i resort to bad thingsand sharp things that make me feel a lot betterand i know that it's badbut it's what helps me.so these are the days where i avoid sharp thingsthey come 5 out of 7so maybe I'll just avoid everyonego to some islandin the middle of no whereand write and readand breath.so these days have comeand they ain't going awayany time soon
Darknessin the dark, the scars are hiddenthey are not there,and the fears that we once hadhave disappearedand the night has taken the painand the hurt and thrown it awayi wish is was night all the timethe pain is horriblebut when you hug meIt feels like the pain has goneand the darkness isn't that strongI feel like you understand.But you don'tyou criticize and tell me offfor something i have to doI can't help itit just happensit's how my brain is programedand i don't think i can changeI try to breathingI try focusingI try to tell myself that I'm beautifulbut there is still painThat i can't changeand I'm sorry butthe darkness has taken over
Numbwhen i lay herei feel, nothingnothing at allall i feel like is icecold as i lay herealone in my bedi sleepi get upi go to schooldon't remember muchgot homegot a safety pinnext thing i rememberis the bloodas it ran down my wristi was cryingballing my eyes outi just couldn't stopi realized that it had stoppedso i stopped cryingand i felt a little less numbi did it again and againeach time getting that releasethat release i had been longing forafter six short cutsi felt betterthe pain of everythingwas goneand i finally felt a little biti don't know what i feltor how but i didand that made me feel bettertwo days lateri opened the wounds againand that release helpedall over againbut this timei carved a treble clefon my left handit made everything seemless and less bigand i felt less numbone week later the same thing happenedi was numbi tried to be happyand i tried to fit inbut it wasn't happeningi don't know whybut i do know that i have to kee